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Aug 17

Asking for help… What a Vow.

Asking for help has never been my strong suit, receiving help even less.  I know the importance of it and I actually teach the importance of it daily. As an Energy and Life Coach helping people overcome depression, I talk about the importance of reaching out and asking for help daily. Sharing that it is a sign of great strength and empowerment to own when we are stuck and need someone else. And yet I fall far short of that within myself often. We teach what we need to learn.

My recent injury (sprained lower left leg and knee) was no accident. I looked up my injury in Louise Hay’s book, “You can heal your life.” The knee represents pride and ego, knee problems represent stubborn ego and pride, inability to bend. Fear, Inflexibility. Won’t give in. Sprains represent anger and resistance. Not wanting to move in a certain direction in life.

This makes me laugh on many levels. I have always been able to enjoy life, to laugh at the absurdities of it all. So falling and hurting myself playing a fun game of water balloon dodge ball shortly after teasing a friend that she broke her foot to get out of the game, was not lost on me.
My friend was smart enough to go to the ER the night she hurt herself so that it didn’t get worse, me I am not as smart, I waited a week until no one was home to help me, then I drove myself to the ER.
I didn’t want to bother anyone with my pain. I didn’t want to show “weakness”, I know this isn’t true and yet it is my vow. I know it is because of the shame that comes up around it.
When I got two prescriptions to fill at the ER, I could feel my stomach tighten. I didn’t want to go to the pharmacy; I just wanted to get home. The idea that I was going to have to ask Andy to go out and do this for me made me feel icky. In my head I am thinking “I should be able to take care of myself, what a wuss I am being.” I actually texted Andy from my car in the parking lot of the hospital to prepare him that I wanted him to get my scripts filled. I knew he wouldn’t get the message till he finished his class at 5:30. He had no problem going and doing this for me, it was my issue in asking, not his in doing.

Be strong, ask for help, it is the bravest thing you can do for yourself and for others. Don’t assume friends and family don’t want to help, assume they do.

If you are feeling guilt and, or shame around asking for help, know that you made a vow as a child to never ask for help or to be needy. Vows are unhealthy for us, there are times when we can and should ask for help. Vows block us from being our true selves. We create vows as a child to survive and protect ourselves when it is needed. However, we then carry them through our lives and they no longer serve us, but harm us. The vows we make around not asking for help will keep us closed off, separated, and alone. We will feel that we can’t count on others to help us, when in fact it is us we can’t count on. To have the courage to ask for what we actually want and need, that is a great vow and a great way to live our life. This vow will also come across as being independent and being able to handle everything that comes our way in life. Beware if you are always saying, I don’t need anyone, I can take care of myself, I am independent, you get a big indignant about it all, this may be a big sign of a vow.  The more we justify our behavior, the more likely we have a vow around it. If you get frustrated when someone else asks for and receives help, you resent or get angry with “needy” people, you may have a vow around asking for help.

As I finish this blog post, I am on my couch with my leg on two pillows, Andy is home now and I have been asking him for help. Sometimes when we don’t pay attention to what we need to learn and do, the Universe helps us along to make it happen. For me that was a fall, it was perfect to remind me yet again that I need to ask for what I want and need and to allow my friends and family to help me.

A special thanks to my classmates, especially Mara, teachers, especially Melinda, who with her gentle way brought it to my attention that my fall may be around letting others help me.   I had a plethora of AHA’s around this issue the past week.

Please ask for help now, don’t wait until you hurt yourself to ask. Be courageous, break your vows, create new freedom statements and live fully.

Please share your awareness around the absurdity of not asking for help.