Caring women say NO to family and friends …
Are you thinking that’s impossible? You believe if she was truly caring she would be helping out whenever asked, she must be selfish.
Sometimes they say no just because they don’t want to do it, there isn’t a real reason; they want to stay home and relax. (Isn’t that amazing?)
It’s time to start putting your name at the top of your to do list and let go of the guilt of taking care of yourself.
You spend all your time taking care of everyone else. Your frustration, it seems is growing by minute. Between work, your house, your family and your friends, there is no time for you. You are so busy saying yes to everything and fixing everyone’s problems, you barely have time to even pee. You don’t know how much longer you can do this without exploding, and you live in fear of actually exploding, not physically, although that might be easier, but emotionally.
The trouble is the guilt and shame that comes up if you actually say no is so overwhelming, you just have to say yes. As a recovering People Pleaser, yes there is a name for it, I am here to help you. I know how hard it is to actually ask for help, it feels unnatural and wrong, but it isn’t. It is your first step in acknowledging YOU MATTER.
I am Life Coach and Energy Healer Lori Grant and I help women learn to say NO without guilt and to put themselves at the top of their to do list.
As a former People Pleaser, I know how it invades every aspect of your life, of your being. For me, I lost myself. I was so busy making sure everyone else in my life was happy, I forgot to make sure I was. It is so important for me to help others that struggle with People Pleasing, because it can sneak up us. So often we are helping because we really want to, but often we are doing it because we think we are “supposed” to, because it is our habit to say yes, and because we never want to be thought of as selfish, that is the worst. Really taking care of ourselves is the best gift we can give to both ourselves and our loved ones.
My husband for many years on and off struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. I thought it was my job to make sure he was happy and okay. Add that on to making sure that my friends, other family members and my co-workers were all okay became too much for me. One day I was sobbing and screaming into a towel in my bathroom, “How the fuck did this become my life!”
Thus I began my shift.
I went back to school, I learned and trained in healthy, loving, boundaries. Actually I went to multiple schools, all about self-growth, discovery and energy. I had actually been taking courses and seminars for years on self growth, but I was doing it for Andy. I finally began to put me first, and it wasn’t easy, learning to feel into the guilt and anguish of my thoughts around selfishness was at times overwhelming. I am still grateful for all my teachers and classmates, over my lifetime, for guiding me through some of the most emotional times of my life. It would have been so much easier to quit and just go back to “that” way of life, after all, everyone else seemed to like me fine that way. But it wouldn’t have been better.
As a graduate of the Rhys Thomas Institute of Energy Medicine and now a Teacher’s assistant there, I continually grow and guide others through their challenges. I spent 18 months working at an outpatient program for mental health as a Life Coach and Energy Healer. I worked with close to 500 people in that time, and became acutely aware that many of the problems of the patients as well as my other clients were the same; they worried about others happiness more than their own. With my personal experience living as a people pleaser, as well as my education, training and work, I have learned much quicker and easier ways to shift and remove the belief systems that keep you from being as important as the other people in your life.
I still love to help people; I just don’t do it to my detriment anymore. And that one seemingly small difference, makes all the difference in the world.